Fear, we all know it. That intense feeling that rushes over us, hijacking our very being, and altering our ability to function the way we normally would. One moment we are enjoying life, laughing and smiling. With the flip of a switch, or minds and bodies go into instant overdrive as a response to a fearful situation.
We experience…
A surge of energy inside our body
The urge to run - or - the inability to move
Tightness in our chest and shallow breathing
Increased body temperature and sweating
Rapid heart rate
Tensed muscles
Narrowed vision
Heightened sense of hearing and smell
Racing thoughts
… all as our bodies become primed to take some sort of action to either fight or escape the situation.
Fear, as defined by Merriam-Webster, is “an unpleasant, often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger.”
Our fear response is initiated by the amygdala, which is the oldest part of our brain’s evolution. When our amygdala fires the fear response, it activates our autonomic nervous system and endocrine system. Adrenaline and cortisol (our body’s stress hormones) are dumped into our blood stream, and the aforementioned physical changes occur. This automatic response happens in 0.01 seconds, much faster than conscious thought can occur. This is why, when we are afraid, we tend to behave in ways that we did not think possible….
When we are triggered by fear, “we” are not actually thinking. We are reacting!
Psychologically, fear is nothing more than an emotional response to perceived threats. The perception of these threats being informed by biological conditioning, past experience and social influence. The experienced intensity of the fear response directly correlates to the amount of danger perceived by the individual; therefore, two separate people will often experience situations differently. One person may experience intense fear around the experience of flying and the other person may have no fear at all.
For some people, the experience of fear inside their bodies feels so intense, that they actually fear the experience of being afraid. This is referred to as “the fear of fear,” and often occurs in highly sensitive individuals, who struggle with emotional regulation as well as self image.
I can clearly recall my own debilitating struggle with the “fear of fear” in my 20’s. The foundational belief system in my subconscious brain was constantly telling me stories like…
The world is a hard and dangerous place, and the only way to navigate it was by being hypervigilant and to control everything.
I am unworthy of love and continuously need to prove myself by being perfect in everything I do
I was created by an angry and vengeful God who stands before a gate waiting to send me to hell at the slightest misstep.
These foundational belief systems ruled my life, keeping me locked in a constant state of fear. After a series of panic attacks and nervous breakdowns which left be in the ER, I developed an intense fear of the symptoms of fear.
The fear of fear, left me in a state of playing small. Intentionally operating way below my abilities. Staying in the “safe zone.” I built walls around my own soul and stopped chasing my dreams. As anxiety and depression began to creep more and more into my life, I allowed fear to rob me of my passion and vitality.
Fear is a sneaky devil, which appears in our lives in various ways.
One of the most common ways it shows up is procrastination.
Procrastination is when we unnecessarily delay a task that we know we need to do. Often we even know of the negative consequences of this postponement, yet we do it anyway.
Procrastination is a survival mechanism that our brains have developed as a means to prevent us from experiencing a difficult emotion, such as fear, anxiety, loneliness, or boredom. By delaying our engagement with something difficult or uncomfortable, we delay having to experience the aforementioned emotions. However, this is a very short term relief, since we know that the issue still remains, and may have even gotten worse as a result of our delay.
My struggle with procrastination was epic when it came to starting Masculine Intentions. The initial idea and desire to pursue it came 3 years before I started seriously taking actionable steps to pursue it.
Two phrases that my critical mind had on repeat, were:
If you cannot do something correctly, don’t bother at all
Stick with what you are good at
These phrases have been repeating in my head since I was a teen and it took until I was 33 to finally say “Enough! These stories are completely false!”
Steven Pressfield, one of my favorite authors on the subject, labels procrastination as Resistance and says:
“Our enemy is not lack of preparation. The enemy is resistance, our chattering brain producing excuses. Start before you are ready”
Another way fear pops up in our lives is as self sabotage.
Where procrastination involves avoidance, self sabotage is when we choose to engage in behaviors which are actually contradictory or undermining our true goals and objectives.
Self sabotage is linked to a deep seated fear of outcomes such as failure, rejection or even success. We often self sabotage as a result in low self-esteem and a need to feel in control. When we try to do something and we fail, there is often a component of the failure that is related to our abilities; however, there is also a component that is completely influenced by external factors such as other people’s behaviors/moods, market conditions, geopolitics, etc. Accepting that we are not in complete control of our destiny is difficult for some. By self sabotaging, we take back control by ensuring the outcome (though negative) was by our design. The ego is able to relax in what it now believes is a predictable (albeit negative) world.
When we self sabotage, we confirm the negative self beliefs in our own minds and strengthen the bonds that continue to tie us down.
Self sabotage has shown up the most for me in my personal relationships. Attempting to convince me not to take the vulnerable steps toward initiating intimate connections with friends, family and lovers. It continues to show up in my subconscious thoughts. I have just grown wiser to its ways and no longer allow it to steer my actions.
My subconscious, self sabotaging stories sounded something like…
Everything that happens in my life is my fault
My worthiness comes from the opinions of others
Again… All false statements created by our subconscious desire to avoid discomfort.
Steven Pressfield says…
“Art is a war – between ourselves and the forces of self-sabotage that would stop us from doing our work.”
Regardless of the mechanism to which it shows up in our lives, fear attempts to push us to act out of alignment with our highest self.
We were all born as divine beings, put here by a loving creator. We all have both a mission and a purpose for us. Evil forces constantly attempt to prevent us from realizing this purpose or achieving our divine mission. Fear is a tool used by evil to convince us to give up on our birthright, to keep us playing small, and to maintain control over our soul.
Fear does not have to control you, it can become the gateway to your own strength. While fear may be attempting to prevent us from experiencing something, it is also showing us something very important about ourselves… It is showing us what is truly important to us.
What we fear the most often has roots in what our heart desires or needs the most.
Fear wanted me to stay quiet, play small and “just be grateful” for a job that did not challenge me but was secure and paid the bills. My heart wanted more; however, I was afraid of potential rejection if I attempted to go for a bigger role.
Fear wanted me to abandon my dreams of having a loving family. It haunted me with constant reminders of a painful divorce I went through in my early 30’s, almost to the point of breaking up with the woman who would eventually become my wife and mother of my amazing children.
Fear froze me in my tracks when it came to having children. Telling me stories about how I would be a terrible father and reminding me about my own broken past, even though I dreamed of being a dad for years. The conception of my first child has been my biggest source of fear to date, because it meant the most to me. The stakes suddenly got very high.
In every one of these situations, fear showed me what was most important to my heart. It was up to me to thank fear for its wisdom and have the courage to follow my heart.
Where is fear showing up in your life?
What is it preventing your heart from experiencing?
What are you willing to give up to follow your heart?
If you are ready to take actionable steps to freeing yourself from fear, stop back in a couple weeks, when I discuss how to break free from the bonds of fear and begin to see it as an ally.